The Best Halloween Ever

Combine the following into a story: suburbs, cheerleader, throwing knife, finding a missing train, comedy

THE BEST HALLOWEEN EVER

Jack and Bill were walking down the street, ready for the night of their lives. For it was Halloween you see, and they had the best costumes. Jack wack was an astronaut, complete with a helmet, visor, and all the doohickeys that go with it, while Bill went the cooler route: a ninja. Not American Ninja Warrior, but a real one: a mask on his head, ninja clothes, and he even armed himself with a throwing knife. A real one, so the vendor in Chinatown said. Bill could only imagine if the police found out: they would probably arrest him, he was such a badass.

Jack and Bill had been waiting for Halloween for so long, ever since they started in high school, lowly freshman, finally able to go to a party on their own. Bill’s brother, three years his elder, was the king of parties, the coolest kid in school. He gave them the address, told them exactly where to go.

And now they are outside, dropped off by Lyft since they still can’t drive. They had to check the address, since the place, located high in the Hollywood hills, seemed way out of the way for a high school party, but the address was correct, and they had arrived.

Jack and Bill surveyed their surrounds: a wealthy neighborhood with nice large houses, dark and quiet, with only a single beat up Camry parked across the street from the house they were visiting. But the address was correct, so the boys approach and knock.

After a short while, the door opens, revealing… the most beautiful women both Jack and Bill has ever seen. Dressed in a tight black dress, she was ready for a night on the town, making her even prettier. “Hello?” she says.

The boys are dumbstruck, their mouths hanging open, them unable to control them. Bill luckily had his face hidden behind his ninja mask, but Jack is in plain view, wishing now more than ever that he had gotten the helmet with the tinted visor.

“Sorry boys,” the girl continues. “No trick-or-treating here.”

And it is at that moment that Bill finally recognizes her, realizes where his brother sent him. “Are you…” Bill stammers out, barely able to speak, “are you that cheerleader from the LA Rams?”

“Yeah, that’s me,” the woman says. “Like you didn’t know that, trick-or-treating way out here.”

“We didn’t,” Jack says. “His brother sent us. He said there’s be a party here.”

“Nope, no party. Just-” the cheerleader stops mid-sentence, cutting herself off. “Oh shit,” she says. She is no longer looking at the boys, instead she is looking past them, at the beat up Camry across the street. She pulls the boys inside, closes the door behind them.

“Did you see that car on the street?” she asks. “Was anyone in it?”

The boys don’t answer, too dumbstruck acting being in this woman’s house. Everything here, the TV, the pictures on the wall, even the freaking toaster are the coolest they’ve ever seen. After some time, they finally manage a nod, but that is it.

“Fuck!” the cheerleader shouts. “That guy’s been stalking me ever since our first home game! I got a restraining order, what’s he doing here?” She is panicked, pacing throughout the house. She peers through the window, confirms it is him. “I’m calling the police,” she says.

At this point, the boys still dumbstruck, barely processing what is happening, Bill sees his moment. He pulls out his throwing knife, the real one, from Chinatown. “I’ll protect you, my lady,” he says.

“Don’t joke around,” the cheerleader replies, as she dials 9-1-1 on her cellphone.  “Hello, 9-1-1?” she says, to the voice that responds.

Just then, a knock at the door disrupts the scene, the noise striking fear into the cheerleader, who screams.

“Bianca!” a voice yells from outside. “Bianca! I know you’re in there, you can’t hide from me!”

Bianca, as the boys now know her, runs into another room, away from the front door. “Hello, police? I need you, 322 Byron Drive. I have a stalker, he’s right outside!”

Another knock on the door, pounding this time. “Bianca! Let me in!” the voice yells again.

Jack is still dumbstruck, his jaw agape, staring at this beautiful lady in distress. Bill slaps him. “We have to do something! We have to protect her! We have to be men!”

“You’re right,” Jack says. “Plus, I’m an astronaut. Everyone knows you don’t mess with them.”

“And I have this knife,” Bill says. “Now what can we do in this situation.”

BANG BANG BANG! Coming from outside. Not knocking, not pounding; the boys peer through the window and see the stalker taking a sledgehammer to the door! He’s going to knock it down!

“No time to think!” Jack says. “I’ll distract him with my astronaut-ness, you throw the knife at him.”

“But that’s murder,” Bill says. “We’ll go to jail forever.”

Jack looks at Bianca, on the phone with the cops, trembling and scared but still beautiful in her tight black dress. “It’s worth it,” he says. “Now get ready.”

Jack approaches the door, opens his arms wide. He then cues Bill, who opens the door, Jack and his astronaut costume blocking the entrance.

“Go away!” Jack shouts. “Bianca doesn’t want to see you! She is a beautiful lady.”

“I’m going to marry her! Ahhhh!” the stalker screams as he grabs Jack, tries to choke him. Except he can’t, Jack’s astronaut costume being too thick. Instead, he and the stalker tries to spin Jack around while Jack resists, neither one getting an upperhand on the other.

“Do something!” Jack screams. “He’s attacking me!”

“You’re in the way!” Bill shouts, his throwing knife in hand. “I can’t get him!”

Jack and the stalker continue to wrestle, each one trying gain an advantage. Bill pivots around, looking for an opening. Finally, he finds one. “Hold him there!” he screams, then throws the knife straight at them.

He misses! Misses completely! The knife flies out the front door. “Oh shoot!” Bill says.

“What?” Jack asks, and in that moment the stalker gains the leverage he was wrestling for, throwing Jack to the ground. He then goes after Bill, who tries some karate moves to stop him. Except Bill doesn’t know karate at all, his moves barely doing anything.

But they do enough, stalling the stalker just long enough for the police to arrive, tackle the stalker, take control, and bring the craziness to an end.

The next hour or so consisted of nothing but police statements, the stalker locked up in the police car, Jack, Bill, and Bianca explaining the events. Jack and Bill leave out the throwing knife however, not wanting to get in trouble for it, and thus the police were totally confused about its position on the front lawn.

Finally, the police leave, Bianca allowing the boys to stay long enough to get picked up by their parents. But before they call them, she steps in. “You know,” she says, looking down at her sexy dress, “I don’t feel much like going out tonight. Wanna hang here with me instead?”

The boy’s jaws drop once again. All they can do is nod yes.

And that’s how the night went, Bianca changing into comfy clothes, Jack and Bill in their costumes (minus the mask and helmet), them all relaxing on the couch, eating frozen yogurt and watching scary movies. One involved something about a missing train, but honestly, the boys don’t remember any of it. All they remember is spending Halloween with a cheerleader from the LA Rams. It wasn’t a party, but it was the best Halloween they’d ever have.

About Gabriel Bruskoff
I make movies! See gabrielbruskoff.com for more information.

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